There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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