is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
