Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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