i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
