Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
