My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
