I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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