I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
