you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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