I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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