you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
