I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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