i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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