Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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