I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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