He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
