He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
