its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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