The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
