Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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