he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
