Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
