I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
