So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
