And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
