A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
