Where is the hickey?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
