Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize