I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
