Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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