Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
