i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
