Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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