my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
