you win again, gameday.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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