Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sex in the backyard? Check.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize