who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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