and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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