I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
