Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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