I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
