I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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