Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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