So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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