I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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