he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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