Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
