I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
