Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
