I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
