Non-Jews are for practice
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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