Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
