i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops