strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.