remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck