i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
