my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy