Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change