Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
