So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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