so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize