You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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