got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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