you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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