Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
