ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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