She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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