you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and she was petting her beer can
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
