So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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