We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
