I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
